Whacky Crestview crimes

Tales of inept criminals, culled from area law enforcement arrest records.

 Bad hair day

A 23-year-old Crestview woman was arrested on retail theft charges after she loaded a shopping cart at a local big-box retailer with $356.54 of merchandise, carefully packed in several reusable shopping bags, walked through a closed check-out line, and attempted to leave the store.

Among the stolen merchandise that was recovered was the three reusable shopping bags, decorative pillows, Playstation games, shoes, two packs of fudge brownies, a Kit-Kat bar, a Snickers bar, and a $9.88 pack of Bumpits volumizing hair inserts.

Asked why she tried to steal the merchandise, the woman replied, “I don’t know, I’m under a lot of stress lately.”

Alas, the store took back its merchandise and the woman had to be jailed with embarrassing flat hair.

Persistence stopped paying off

After ringing up more than $1,100 in charges on a credit card she allegedly stole from her father, a 30-year-old Crestview woman was dismayed to find the card wouldn’t work any more.

Just to be sure, she tried getting gas at a local convenience store where earlier that day she had made ten separate purchases. And then tried again. And again. And then once more just for good measure.

She headed back to a local big-box retailer where she had earlier had success in purchasing a Playstation game console (maybe she and the lady in the story above were going to play games together) and tried three times to charge merchandise, each time — this time — without success.

She was arrested in the Martin Luther King Boulevard area, where she was found driving her father’s car, which she had also allegedly stolen that morning.

Asked why she took the credit card, she explained, “I just needed the money.” Asked what she bought, “she stated she bought a lot of Newport cigarettes.” Asked what became of the Playstation console, “she stated she sold it to a guy in a blue truck who she did not know.”

The chase is afoot

Crestview’s new school zone on Redstone Avenue chalked up its first speed limit violation — among other charges — on the first day of school when a 37-year-old Crestview woman decided it was just too slow for her.

She “became agitated over the fact that she had been pulled over,” slammed her car into drive and took off, missing running over the officer’s foot by less than an inch. Ignoring his commands to stop, she continued on.

She pulled over again, but refused to comply with instructions to place her hands behind her back after stepping from her car and attempted to climb back in. When the officer grabbed her arm to prevent her from escaping a second time, she employed colorful metaphors, which hopefully none of the school children heard. They would get their mouths washed out with soap. She just went to jail on felony charges of fleeing a law enforcement officer and resisting an officer.