Oh, how we miss James Bond

I haven't seen a good James Bond film in the cinema in years. Other enthusiasts seem to share my opinion.

Stephen Oxenrider, a fellow James Bond enthusiast, sent out a YouTube link to a great song that had been rejected as the theme song to last year’s Bond film, “Quantum of Solace.” Visit www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg2dXY9TOKA and be dazzled—or chagrined that the fantastically Shirley Bassey-esque number by Eva Almer was passed up in favor of the racket bellowed by Alicia Keyes.

Stephen’s e-mail sparked quite a discussion among recipients, which soon turned to the recent bankruptcy filing of M-G-M, which owns half the rights to the Bond franchise. The other half is owned by Eon Productions, which makes the 007 films.

Finally I weighed into the fray:

“That Jason Bourne movie they called ‘Quantum of Solace’ sucked so bad it’s a wonder we weren’t all drawn violently out of the cinema. What a pity to waste one of the greatest of Ian Fleming’s Bond titles on a movie that bore no resemblance to a Bond film,” I wrote.

“One can only hope that when MGM/UA/Eon/Whoever get their acts together, they will budget enough money for the next 007 film to be able to afford tripods for the cameras and color film stock. Maybe there will be enough cash left over to purchase a good plot, too. (Maybe there’s one still on the shelf from the last production, seeing as none was used.)”

Now that wasn’t too editorialized, was it?

A nice, polite fellow named Tom Zielinski promptly responded.

“I too had issues with QOS…but to imply that it is not a Bond film is ridiculous. No disrespect here, but I’m curious.  I’m guessing you’ve seen QOS but once and would prefer Roger Moore’s take on Bond?”

For one Bond enthusiast to imply another might “prefer Roger Moore’s take on Bond” is about as severe an insult as one PETA member accusing another of secretly owning a mink stole.

I hastened to reply:

“Yes Tom, I only saw QOS once. It was such an unpleasant experience that I haven’t been able to bring myself to even watch the DVD that I obligingly bought to complete the collection. The shaky, unsteady camerawork and the fast MTV edits actually made me queasy at some points,” I opined.

 “Apart from calling one of the characters ‘James Bond’ and another one ‘M,’ I really didn’t see anything in that film that looked like a James Bond movie. It was absolutely no different than the last Jason Bourne movie: just a lot of bam! bam! bam!, cut! cut! cut!, loud explosion! loud explosion!, all at the expense of developing a coherent plot.

“The color was washed out and I can only surmise the camera must’ve been hand-held by someone with Parkinson’s who was off his meds the way it wobbled all the time, not that any one scene lasted long enough to actually allow any artistic camera use anyway.

“James Bond films have elegance, style and class. QOS had none of those attributes. It didn’t even have a decent theme song or a memorable score.”

Then, to address the insult:

“I still prefer George Lazenby as 007, and only wish he hadn’t been so head-strong that he didn’t let [Bond producers] Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman mold him to the role over several films. What a loss!

“Roger Moore was amusing, but I still prefer him as Lord Brett Sinclair in ‘The Persuaders’ over 007. But even Roger’s worst Bond film, ‘Moonraker,’ was eons (ha ha!) ahead of that sad tripe we were subjected to last fall.

“I recognize the series has to progress to remain relevant and attract new market share, and we can’t linger in the widescreen, Technicolor beauty and sophistication of the Sean Connery years — augmented, of course, by a lush John Barry score — but to completely abandon the elements that make a James Bond film a James Bond film is ludicrous, and in a way, insulting to movie audiences who paid for a Bond film.

“Lose those elements and you’ve no longer got a James Bond film. With QOS, Eon did — and we don’t.”

Today, according to one of the books, is James Bond’s 87th birthday. A new 007 film won’t come out until next fall at the earliest. Based on the recent past, I’m not to optimistic about what we’ll be presented in 2010. Meanwhile, thanks to the wonders of home video, we can still wallow in those halcyon days of the good Bond film. Those days when Bond was Bond, James Bond—and a Bond song was really a Bond song.

THE JAMES BOND FILMS

If you, like staunch 007 enthusiasts, miss Bond Classic, he’s available on home video, including inexpensive DVDs now under $10 each, as well as fabulously loaded “Ultimate Edition” sets. Here’s the roster, including who personified Bond:

Dr. No (1962) Sean Connery

From Russia With Love (1963) Sean Connery

Goldfinger (1964) Sean Connery

Thunderball (1965) Sean Connery

*Casino Royale (1967) David Niven

You Only Live Twice (1967) Sean Connery

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) George Lazenby

Diamonds Are Forever (1971) Sean Connery

Live and Let Die (1972) Roger Moore

The Man With the Golden Gun (1974) Roger Moore

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) Roger Moore

Moonraker (1979) Roger Moore

For Your Eyes Only (1981) Roger Moore

Octopussy (1983) Roger Moore

*Never Say Never Again (1983) Sean Connery

A View to a Kill (1985) Roger Moore

The Living Daylights (1987) Timothy Dalton

License to Kill (1989) Timothy Dalton

GoldenEye (1995) Pierce Brosnan

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) Pierce Brosnan

The World is Not Enough (1999) Pierce Brosnan

Die Another Day (2002) Pierce Brosnan

Casino Royale (2006) Daniel Craig

Quantum of Solace (2008) Daniel Craig

*Not one of the “official” Eon Productions 007 films